A few months ago, self-injecting Enbrel was the last thing on my mind. The idea horrified me. I can’t even watch while the Phlebotomist takes my blood, so being able to inject myself with etanercept seemed a distant possibility. Fast forward to March 2014, and the situation has changed. Now I see it (learning to self-inject) as an exciting thing as it will give me more independence. This change in attitude didn’t happen overnight. I started to get fed up with the amount of time that I’m spending in hospital (varying between four and seven times a week at the moment – and two of those appointments were related to my Enbrel injections). Rather like learning the ukulele (!), I think of self-injecting as a skill that has to be broken down into manageable chunks rather than trying to do it all at once.
Some people are able to inject themselves straightaway – good for them. But it’s unhelpful to compare yourself to other people. In my case, with a history of PTSD and health anxiety following an allergic reaction to the first rheumatoid arthritis drug I tried, followed by side effects from the next four medications (including Enbrel), it hasn’t been an easy process. For ages, I hadn’t even contemplated self-injecting. It was enough of an achievement to get to the clinic and have the injection. Having said that, just in the past two weeks I have learnt how to a) remove the grey syringe lid (no mean feat when you can’t grip properly), b) gently push out the air bubble and c) plunge the needle in at a 45 degree angle to my upper thigh (while pinching the skin). My specialist nurse had to push the plunger to administer the drug. However, I felt a real sense of achievement from getting this far. Next time, I hope to be able to do the full procedure. I didn’t do a, b and c all in one go – but learnt a new skill at each appointment. My fears have subsided. It wasn’t as painful or as hard as I anticipated. I thought it would be a nightmare watching myself do it (as you can’t look away) – but it wasn’t. Hopefully I’ll soon feel able to self-inject without the nurse present. This is exciting. More opportunities lie ahead (such as working and travelling again) and I can’t wait.